Another Saturday Night in the ‘Hood

So it is Saturday night, almost midnight, and apparently my neighbor is quite upset and most likely drunk.  She is upset about something her best friend said/did.  It’s a bit tough to figure out because we are only hearing one side of the conversation.  She must have forgotten that her balcony is not an enclosed sunroom but rather an echo chamber for the rest of her neighbors to hear what is going on.

“What? WHAT?? No, no…[makes some kind of cat-like noise]…you were my best friend.  I don’t understand.  You were there too.” 

At this point, I’m hooked.  Needless to say, SNL was not cutting it as a good form of entertainment.  This is like neighborhood reality television.  What doesn’t she understand?  Where were they? 

While she is outside her boyfriend, pimp, drug pusher, or who-ever tried to pull her inside and she yells at them to stop hurting her then he tells her to shut up because neighbors will think she is being abused.  Because I am not actually outside and can only hear what is going on, I have to assume some of this information.  This could be my neighbors with the over-sized Texas flag that doubles as a curtain or the ones that keep way too much crap on their deck.  Either way, the assumptions can’t be too far from the truth.

“You told me.  My friend would have lied.  [Starts that crazy, drunk-crying]”

Ok, really.  What is this girl’s issue?  Is her friend being honest or too honest?  There is a difference.  Being too honest can get you into trouble and actually be hurtful.  There are ways to get around this.  If you feel you can’t tell the truth then figure out a way to tell the truth about something else.  Someone will show you a picture of someone and states how cute/beautiful/handsome they are..  We all have heard that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.  If I disagree with their general statement, I look for something I can comment on.  No one hands you a pictures so you don’t comment.  Usually, I get away with things by saying something like, “Oh my goodness, look at that cute bow she has in her hair!”  Or, “Wow, look how good that tie looks on him.”  You are giving an honest opinion; it is just centered on something else. 

“I hate this. [Laughs and makes cat-like noise again]”

Ok, how far gone is this chick, she was just crying two seconds ago and now laughing.  So, obviously, whatever the initial fight was, it is now over.  I’m kind of distracted by how someone can make those cat noises.  Maybe there is an actual cat out there with her.  Again, good assumption.

At least two cans have now fallen to the ground and I start to question my own living conditions.  I joke that I live in the suburban ‘hood, but now I am starting to believe it.  Come on, really with (what I assume) beer cans and the noise after midnight?  There are small kids around here trying to sleep. 

The drunk chic on the phone continues her too-loud laughing and I hear an extra loud “SHH”  shh-ing of another drunk person.  There is nothing quiet about a loud shush.  Ask anyone in a church service with restless kids knows this. 

“Open the door.  Seriously, open it!!  [Laughs]  I will pee out here then.”  Apparently, this chick gets her etiquette from watching The Jersey Shore.  Again, I start to question my living situation.

After a small bathroom break, (not mine, but hers) the party continues with more people.  They have started to either play Truth or Dare or are so drunk they are starting to do Drunk Confessions.

The confessions I heard were LAME.  Come on, throwing-up out your window?  Who cares?  Still sleeping with a stuffed animal?  This must be summer camp confessionals.  Driving without a headlight?  Oooo, hope the cops don't catch up to you.  I don't get it.  Usually, it seems like adding alcohol to the equation would make the stories more interesting or at least worth listening to.

I’m not sure when the confession circle turned to singing verses and have the other people guess the song, but this was awful.  I had to turn the volume up on the movie, ANYTHING.  The crazy drunk girl on the phone was easier to listen to than the smooth stylings of 3 Drunk Chicks and a Dude trying to bring sexy back.  This wasn’t even a hilarious, karaoke version of the song, but a cry for help.

Maybe I’ll try to find some AA flyers to leave on their door tomorrow with the empty cans of beer and a stuffed animal…or maybe I should just find a place to live in a better area...

Welcome 2014….Hope this Work(s)out

It’s been awhile.  Work has been getting in the way of my free time.  Of course, there was a trip to Florida in there somewhere, failure to win the big Powerball, not watching the Olympics, writers block and some work drama.  But, I figured it was time to get back on track...

So this year, I decided why the hell would I make any resolutions?  What is the point of breaking promises to myself?  Acknowledge and move on, that should be my motto.  Unfortunately, sometimes I like to hang on to things.  Ironically, exercise equipment tends to be something I need to let go.  Or make a resolution to use it.

My friends, who laugh at the amount of crap I have collected in this area, still bought me more stuff for my “collection” for Christmas.  One thing I asked for and one is something I had never seen before and immediately fell in love with it (refer to pink items in picture).

Let me clarify something before continuing with this blog.  I am NOT fit.  Far from it.  I like the idea of being fit, but my follow-through is crap.  Just like I love watching The Biggest Loser, it motivates me on one level, but another level it is de-motivating.  These people work out HOURS a day.  I work long hours and have an hour commute back and forth. By the time I get home I barely have time to eat before I go to bed.  Of course, I do have days off, but I liken myself to a slug on those days.

I guess I figure if I have the exercise equipment in my place, I can use it at a moments notice.  The stuff I do own is on the small side.  I don’t own big ticket items, although don’t get me wrong, I would love to have them.  But my place is already small, if I add a treadmill or an elliptical, I lose valuable floor space.  Not to mention that I live up two flights of stairs in a complex that may have been built after 1970.  The walls are thin and pretty sure there is only a small amount of plywood separating me from my neighbors below.  If I tried to run (hahaha, I wrote “run”) my neighbors would most likely think there was an earthquake.  I refuse to cause anyone to have a heart attack.

I own multiple DVDs and even two VHS tapes.  Granted, I don’t own a VCR anymore, but I figured maybe at some point I could convert these tapes to DVD.  One of the tapes is the workout by Karen Voight with Cindy Crawford.  I loved this workout back in the day the other tape is a Tae Bo workout I think. 

I’ve lost count of the number of DVDs and I am honestly afraid to count them.  I hate facing my fears.  I have a friend of mine that is a tad (if tad means extreme) OCD and purges her family’s closets all the time.  I’m certain she would have hyper ventilated if she saw all the exercise stuff I have collecting dust. 

 

I have actually opened all the DVDs and watched most of them.  Sometimes while eating Ben and Jerry’s (frozen yogurt, because I’m trying to be healthy), but still, at least they are opened.  I also pre-watch them to make sure they won’t be too difficult.  Hmm.  Maybe I should have said I pre-watch them to make sure they aren’t too easy…

My favorite DVDs are Jillian Michaels 30-Day Shred and Winsor Pilates.  I have actually found these to be the best for my body type.  I just haven’t done them in months!  Oh, there is also a kettle ball workout that was fun, but I can’t remember which kettle ball workout DVD it was so I’d have to actually go through and watch them again and I don’t have any frozen yogurt (for those wondering, Cherry Garcia).

I own roller blades that look like new that my mom and I bought thinking we were going to jump on that trend.  Fear of falling keeps these babies dusty in my closet, along with all the pads that would have been there is protect me.  In my mind I could be an awesome roller blade-r, I just need to find a roller blade-ing partner….This fantasy of being a good athlete is also why I own two tennis rackets and some golf clubs.  I can’t remember the last time I played either of those, although in junior high I got a golfing medal for chipping.  I’m pretty sure that is my only medal in an athletic event but, does it count if it wasn’t a tournament or even a school function?  Yes, yes it does count.  For a couple years after that I thought I was good at golf.

Ok, now that I am breaking this down, I am slowly realizing I might have a small collection problem.  I haven’t even mentioned the hand weights, the balance board, Wii Fit, mini-elliptical, Yoga Mats, hula hoops (one is weighted that only drops directly to the floor when I try and use it, but I still like the idea of it), jump rope, sliders and bands.  Hard to imagine I can seriously fit this all into my place, but it packs away well. 

In retrospect, maybe I should not have bought the Gaiam Strong Core & Back Kit today at Target.  On the other hand, maybe I’ll actually use it.  I’ve always wanted a strong core…