The One With Monica or Phoebe

One of a few television shows that my friends and I have always enjoyed watching is “Friends.”  This is a program that speaks to my generation, though in my mind I feel it transcends all generations.  I wonder if people felt that way about “Leave it to Beaver?”  That show is a bit of old-school, black and white awesome. 

I’m not stupid enough to believe everyone loves “Friends,” but most people I hang with watch it as much as I do.  Here’s a shout out to TBS for keeping the episodes alive for a couple of hours everyday.  I own a few seasons but someday will buy the entire big, black box set.  Probably when the price drops to $50 because I am so cheap.  I really wish it was streaming on Netflix.

Many times my friends and I will relate certain personalities or mannerisms to the show’s characters.  Of course, I always thought I was level-headed and had my crap together and would say I relate to Monica.  Unfortunately for me, my friends are maybe a tad more observant.  They said I was more like Phoebe.  It wasn’t just one friend that said this about me, it was multiple.  Not cool, people. 

In my mind, I think I am all about order and being on top of it but, apparently to the outside world, I am a bit on the ditzy side.  I do make up songs to mundane things and stuff like that, but I still didn’t really see it as “ditzy.”  I had to kind-of take a step back and assess the situation.  It still wasn’t clear to me until people began pointing it out.

I may over-react in certain situations.  I may not make the most practical decisions in my everyday life.  I choose to ignore certain things that others may deem as “important” or “required.”  I usually end up taking the road less traveled but not because I want to but more because I got lost along the way.  I still end up at the same place (and on time) but  just a tad more stressed. 

I guess I could see that maybe I was a bit ditzy.  Not in a stupid way, but more of a common sense way.  I’m not an idiot, unless they give engineering degrees to idiots.  Note to self: contact university and ask.  Maybe I fall into the “typical engineer” trap of no social skills or common sense?  I have social skills, and comparing to other engineers, my common sense meter is pretty strong.  But is this like comparing your reading abilities to those in the low blue group in elementary school (no offense to lower group members)?

Although maybe to my friends, I am a Phoebe, at work I would probably be a Monica (or Ross if we are talking nerdy).  At work I am all about order and being on time.  To a fault maybe, but I enjoy the challenges of being over prepared.  I also take on more responsibility and a bit of an over-achiever.   An over-achiever who still created a welcoming environment for others and to maintain my status in the social cube.   Maybe that is the Phoebe side of me.  The Monica side of me went so far as to buy a Swiffer Wet Jet and clean the floor around my area.  This is actually true because the “company” decided they wouldn’t wash the floors very often and the nasty tile would get pretty gross.  In their defense they would sweep once a week, but it was still pretty bad.  Thanks, government agency.  

So, maybe I am balancing out the universe by maintaining both qualities of a Monica and Phoebe.  So, in the end, is it fair to compare me “Phoebe?”  Maybe… 

I Wouldn't Make It as a Heroin Addict

I recently went through a process for a job I don’t “officially” have yet.  They called the process a drug test and physical.  I am pretty sure it was a test to see how well I adapt to change and whether I can get easily frustrated with red tape. 

I was told to go to a specific clinic for the testing.  They also said they would Fed Ex the information I was suppose to fill out and bring with me.  I received the packet Monday afternoon and for the next three hours I filled out paperwork.  Pages and pages of paperwork. 

Ok, I have been through other drug tests before but this was crazy.  I had to look up what half of it meant on the Internet.  It appeared like this was going to basically be a physical in addition to a drug test.  The worst part was it included giving them blood.  I am not good with needles in general. 

When I was in college we had a blood drive and this is where I really discovered I have more than slight apprehension for needles in my arm.  Before being stuck with the needle however, I was tested with a pin prick on my finger.  As it turned out I was low in iron and deemed slightly anemic and therefore not able to give blood.  Bonus!  I’m not proud to admit this next thing, but from then on when I was asked to give blood I stated that I was anemic and could not.  Like I said, not proud moments, but more like instinctual habit to protect myself.

There have been a couple of times where I have learned not only are my veins small, but they also roll.  Not a great combination to have.  Might be why I woke up from a surgery with my arm twice the size because the fluid was not going into my vein any longer.  That was fun.

At least I knew going in that they would need to take blood, what I didn’t really expect was everything else.  I started off with a general vision test followed by the routine drug test where you pee in a cup.  Next, hearing test and a hair sample. 

I had already been warned that they were going to cut part of my hair.  I guess I imagined a small tuft of hair being cut from a section of my hair that wouldn’t be seen.  The technician said she needed to cut “this much” and she made a circular shape a bit smaller than a dime but then here was the kicker…”we have to take the hair from close to the scalp.”  Um.  Why the heck do they need that much hair?  My hair is past my shoulders so even though it is a small section, that is years of growth.  The tech said they would cut four smaller sections so there wouldn’t be a hole.  She said they have to take the hair from where males start balding.  I asked her what they did for men that didn’t have any hair.  Warning, do ask this question unless you are prepared for the answer.  Gross.

The next place they took me was the room I had dreaded all day.  I warned them ahead of time that I could pass out and there was a good chance I might throw up.  I don’t pass out often, but I have done it with my doctor and accidentally thrown up on him.  We get into the room and the guy starts telling me what he is doing.  I nicely explained to him not to show/tell me anything because my mind will imagine the worst.  So he started the process of banding off my arm and looking for a vein.  Then he stopped, un-banded me and called someone else in.  She repeated the same steps and stated she was not going to be able to get to a vein because my veins are small and hidden.  I also have been told my veins roll so she said she didn’t want to try because it would be easier to have me go to a lab.  I guess at a lab they specialize in stuff like that?  

The rest of the appointment was meeting with the doctor, blood pressure, pregnancy test as well as two chest x-rays.  Very thorough.  When I got back to my place, I called the HR department, told them everything was completed except the blood work and stated the technician was going to call the medical person and that person would call me back.

As it turned out, that person did call me…a week later, and told me I had to go back to the same clinic because the other lab wasn’t certified or something like that (ie, they didn’t want to pay the extra cost).  I went back to the clinic after drinking what seemed like 50 gallons of water.  Apparently, water/juice helps increase the amount of blood flow and makes the veins more pronounced.  I kept looking at my arm and never really saw a huge difference.  I did, however, notice the number of trips to the restroom increased dramatically. 

I got to the clinic and again had issues. They did get a vein, but only a small amount of blood came out.  They had me “relax and breathe” which I did to the best of my abilities.  After an amount of time, they gave up and said they could try again in thirty minutes and after drinking an additional amount of water.  The second time was not the charm and they couldn’t even get a vein.  The tech told me a lab would probably take the sample from a vein other than my arm.  Lovely.

So, that is where I am at right now.  Waiting for the call to go to a lab or new clinic.  In the meantime, I will continue to drink my weight in water…

UPDATE:
I had to change the title of this post because after going to a new clinic and seeing five different people and being poked with more needles than I care to remember I am convinced that I would could never make it in a "career" that required finding one of my veins.  It just floors me that it took so long and the whole time I was uncontrollably shaking.  Plus they used different sized needles in various places on my arms and hands.  BUT, they did get the blood test stuff completed.  Odd, because I was actually thinking this job might not be worth it if my veins failed me again...