Friends Don’t Let Friends Be Hookers

This past Friday, I met up with one of my oldest and dearest friends.  Although we don’t see each other as often as we’d like, we always seem to pick up where we left off. 

We always have fun.  Usually it involves getting into some sort of predicament, possibly getting lost and almost always ending up eating Mexican food and laughing.  This night did not disappoint.  It is possible to have good, clean fun and still act like idiots without an adult beverage.  I might just be speaking for myself here as I recall to many idiot-induced moments where I was perfectly sober.

Most of the time if we don’t know what to do, we end up wandering around Target making fun of things and finding the perfect lime juicer to buy and never use.  To my delight, DSW provided the same experience.  Nancy came to pick me up and she needed look at some shoes before dinner.  Since I am usually pretty honest about how things look, I am a good person to take on a shopping trip.

Side rant:  WHY, why would you ever tell a good friend of yours that they look good in something when, clearly, they look hideous.  Is this an unwritten rule?  I understand you have to make some concessions but, geez, have you seen some of the outfits walking around out there?  I will probably not look like Jennifer Anniston in my new shirt unless it’s a new shirt that comes with liposuction and possible removal of a rib or two.  You don’t have to be mean about how bad it looks, but you cannot in good conscious let me spend my hard earned money when you know it is not becoming, even if Ms. Anniston has one.

Anyhoo, I am there at DSW for moral support and to push any shoes that look cute.  As it turned out she found more than one pair and on sale at that!  Nancy had such good luck we decided maybe I needed a pair.  We went over to my section and the number of hooker shoes they were selling was astounding.  I'm not sure the picture really does justice to what we witnessed.  I’m wondering if there aren’t many 6 ½ shoe-sized hookers out there.  If I decide my back-up plan is hooking, I know where to purchase part of my wardrobe.

We wandered around and laughed about nothing and everything.  We decided to try out a new Mexican restaurant.  The line was crazy long to get in and in the great restaurant game we had to come up with a back-up plan.  We decided on a different (still Mexican) restaurant.

Once we get there we also note the long line.  Why would everyone be out to eat on a Friday evening when it is 75 degrees outside?  (that was sarcasm)  New plan.  We decide to do take-out at the place and pick up a movie. 

Ok, here is where two smart people equal a stupid person.  Logically, one would order the food (since we are already there), pick up the movie at the Red Box and go get the food, which would be ready by this point.  OR, knowing the Red Box is by my place, get the Red Box last.  We chose neither. 

We like to take the roads less traveled.  We head off to the Red Box first.  It is very important that we get “This is 40.”  Basically driving past my place to get there we discover the first Red Box location doesn’t have the movie.  But, bonus!  The second one does.  At this point we see our mistake. 

We spend the next ten minutes trying to find an on-line menu on our cell phones and also calculating the calorie content through MyFitnessPal.  I should have recorded the entire conversation for a “What Not to Do” segment. 

After probably 30 minutes we find our way back to the restaurant to pick up our food.  By this time there really isn’t a line but why change plans?  In the end, the meal was good, the conversation was great but the movie was “meh.” 

I am planning another girls’ night in May.  Hopefully, I’ll have the night off from hooking.  Work it, work it…  

(btw, if you did not get that last reference, brush up on your 80’s movies, Kit)

It Is What It Isn't

"It is what it is."  I hate this phrase.  I think it is over-used and is seriously starting to give me a headache.   I would say this phrase has been worn out in the past two years and we need to put it to rest.

I’m really not sure what pisses me off about this phrase.  It might be because I feel it is s cop-out. 

Have nothing else to say?  Just say, “It is what it is.”  Almost ends the conversation immediately, like a showstopper.  It should come with rolling credits.

Does someone want to have a conversation and get your professional opinion on something but you don’t want to give it or you are bored with where the conversation is going?  “Well, you know, it is what it is.”  Thanks, buddy.  I appreciate you taking the time to think about the issues.

Someone tells you they are really having a tough time with family and their life?  “It is what it is.”  Thanks for reminding me that my life is nothing but a dust bunny under the couch to you.

Some people say it as a form of frustration.  Or boredom.  Or know-it-all, self righteous bs.  It is a fancy way of saying, “oh well” or “who the hell cares.” 

You know who cares?  This girl (who doesn’t use that stupid phrase).  I care.  I actually may not give a rat’s ass about what you were talking about, but you know what?  I will fake it.  You know why?  Because I know you have faked it for me and I have appreciated it…

My Targeted Addiction

In the past four days I have been to Target five times.  I’m still trying to figure out why I love going to Target.  What is it about this large department store that is so enticing? 

There are other large stores in the area and I am not a fan.  I will end up at Wal-Mart in a state of desperation when a certain item can’t be found elsewhere or if I am shopping with a good friend of mine that knows the ins and outs of her neighborhood Wal-Mart.  The WM by me is a bit further than I’d like to go for a dirty shopping experience.  I’m not really sure why or if it is just me, but when I enter this store I don’t get the same rush and welcoming feeling I do at Target.

When you walk into a Super Target you are welcomed with the nice comforting warm color of red and the relaxing smells of the little Starbucks off to the side.  Walking into WM feels like a chore and you are greeted with the cool color of blue and greasy smells of the McDonalds.  Already the experience is better at Tar’jay.  Target is much higher on the classier scale.  The carts, aisles, checkouts and even the plastic bags are better.  The prices may be a bit cheaper at WM but when you consider the over all experience and the 5% discount card at Target, there really isn’t a contest. 

I have found the customer service at Target to be superior to the service at Wal-Mart, but then again I like a clean look and not piles and piles of crap that needs to be put away.  There are friendly people at both places, but I feel like the people working at Target actually enjoy their job.  I’m not just writing all this because my sister-in-law works at the Target corporate offices, I was a fan before she got the job.  Although I wish I lived closer to her to get the sweet discount on shopping!

Five times in four days is actually unusual for me.  My norm is one to two times a week.  But, when you are looking for something specific…let’s say on-sale peanut butter eggs, you may have to make a couple more trips.  I went to the store of Friday, actually forgetting about the Easter leftovers.  I had a list of items and because it was Target, strayed from the list and began to wander.  Low and behold I found myself in the Easter left-over aisle.  There wasn’t much there.  This particular Target is near the mall and is my quick go-to place because of location.  But this is also a popular Target and they run out of left over holiday items quickly.  They did have some single peanut butter eggs but at only 30% off, I wasn’t convinced this was the best deal.  I figured for the extra calories, I wanted a 6-pack or the bag of smaller eggs. 

I got home and thought about the eggs.  Yes, how sad am I that I literally came up with a plan of action to find more eggs.  I should also mention that I am a bit frugal and love the challenge of getting the best deal.  You’d think I’d be into extreme couponing, but honestly that is a lot of work.   I figured if I waited a day or two they would drop the prices. 

So, 8am on Saturday morning I went to the nicest Target within my ten-mile range and decided I also needed some milk and bananas.  I love this Target because everything is a bit newer and they have the fancier, all-plastic carts.  I got my cart, walked over to the Starbucks corner and bought a coffee so I could feel classy and superior as I walked around looking for my items.  Even though I felt classy holding my coffee, my sloppy Saturday morning clothes and ponytail and headband told people otherwise.  Ignoring the obvious, I went and picked up the two items on my list plus a couple others and found myself in the Easter aisle.  I was elated to see they had PLENTY of peanut butter egg choices but the sale price was a disappointing 30% off.  I paid for my items and left without the eggs.

I knew there was another Target close to me that I had never been in.  I had been told it was a bit run-down as far as Targets go but decided I should check it out on my way home.  The trip was a total bust as the prices were still holding at 30%.  But I did notice that this store had more Easter items than the other two stores.  The particular area doesn’t have a Wal-Mart so this extra Easter inventory shocked me. 

My next excursion was Monday, which is actually one of my usual load-up-for-the-week days.  I decided to go back to the run-down Target and see what they had to offer.  I was about to get the items on my list and noted the new left-over prices were 50% off.  It was over a week past Easter and only 50% off?!  I had decided earlier that for the sake of my waistline and my incredible lack of willpower, my buyasmanypbeggsasIwanted limit would have to be 70% off.  But at this rate, I might not be buying eggs until May! 

It’s actually ok that I didn’t get any yet.  There is always tomorrow but I will have to go to a different Target, I don’t want them to think I am a regular…

UPDATE:  The wait to 70% did not pan out.  The shelves were nearly empty without even a single pb egg!  I'd like to say this was only one Target, but it was all three.  I will continue my plea to have peanut butter eggs year round.  Or at least until next year when I will not hesitate at 50%...

Enjoying the Silence?

Last week my neighbors were loud enough to warrant action on my part.  I live in an apartment that doesn’t necessarily meet the 2013 upgrades of insulation.  In fact, I’m pretty sure my place doesn’t meet those standards from 1990.  I live in a slightly crappy complex in a big city suburb.  I pay a bit more for a lake view and covered parking.  Some might think this sounds classy, but to actually see the lake you have to sit on the very edge of the couch and really lean to the right to see the tiniest bit of brown water.

I am a model neighbor, or I think I am.  I don’t have huge parties and when I do have people over I am aware that others live below me.  If we watch a movie with the surround sound on, I make sure the stereo isn’t too loud.  Many stereo systems now come with an obnoxious sub woofer, but I usually keep mine on the lowest decibel setting. 

I also know how to control the decibel level, unlike the ignorant, punk-ass neighbors below me.  I decided to go to bed at 10:00 on Wednesday as I had to be up a bit earlier the next day.  I don’t know these people below me.  All I do know is that they are in college and apparently don’t have morning classes.  Around 10:40 PM, the vibrations of the sound system below me woke me up.  I could tell what movie they were watching because it was so loud.  Saying, I was pissed was an understatement.  Saying I was lazy is also an understatement.

After about 45 minutes of trying to get back to sleep I decided I had a couple of choices.  One, I could get-up, get dressed, march downstairs like a grown-up and demand that they turn down their sound system.  Or two, I could fight fire with fire, or sound with sound.  I decided to go with choice number two because I was lazy and really didn’t want to go out in the cold.

To start things off, I took a book from nightstand and threw it flat against the wall.  Just an fyi, I do not usually throw books unless they are physics books which I feel is justified.  And, yes, I am a huge nerd and have a physics book on a shelf by my bed.  At any rate, throwing this book made a huge bang and, for a short moment, I thought it made a difference.  Not sure if I imagined it or not, but I am pretty sure they turned up the volume. 

At this point, I probably wasn’t thinking straight.  I got up and went into the living room and turned on my stereo and took the decibel level from a -6 to a +6.  For a couple of my math challenged friends, that is twelve levels higher than I had it.  Next I turned it to my Pandora station, and the universe was on my side because the song that was playing was Depeche Mode’s “Enjoy the Silence.”  I promise this is true.  I love irony.  As a bonus, I cranked up the volume, just to let the walls and floor vibrate a bit.

I completely understand that this was not a grown-up move, but it worked and I think they got the hint.  Granted, I still worry about waking up to flat tires or maybe Vaseline smeared on my car windows, but it hasn’t happened yet.  Maybe they understood the irony and appreciated the song choice as much as I did…