Urban Dictionary Lessons

If you haven’t ever looked up items on Urban Dictionary, you are missing out...or possibly not.  

A “friend” of mine sent me an email with a link to urban dictionary defining the word jankem.  Let me apologize now if you clicked on the link without a proper warning. 

Clicking on a link to urban dictionary is a bit like Russian Roulette.  Granted, I am not an aficionado in the world of words so I am often looking them up.  Urban dictionary gives people insight into slang words used in conversations, on TV by urban hipsters or what the younger generation is talking about.

Urban dictionary is similar to other online dictionaries but goes a few steps further.  You can look up a particular word to find the definition or even use the thesaurus to find comparable words.  The kicker is, with urban dictionary the user can add their own words.  So, basically, you can make crap up and someone out there will believe it. 

It is fun to browse through the most recent additions though.  There are some vindictive people out there.  Just because you have a bad break-up does not mean you should make up a crazy definition and name the person that apparently ruined your life for a quick second.  Besides the flat out crazy, there are some awesome new words that I would love to start using in everyday conversation, such as: manstration, irritable vowel syndrome or wotcher.

You have to realize that the urban dictionary is also there to shock and possibly offend many people.  If you are easily shocked or offended don’t go to the site.  Now if I can only come up with a new entry definition for lame people that know they will be shocked and offended…

Verbal Filtering is a Good Thing

I think in social situations you should try to use your internal filter when talking with others.  Some children, unfortunately, have not developed filters and therefore say whatever they feel.

They point, yell or even laugh to express themselves.  In church, a child may point to the pastor and ask aloud whether the person behind the pulpit is actually God or point at someone who looks different.  Some parents laugh this behavior off, some ignore it and some just don’t take their kids anywhere until they are old enough to know better.

Kids have to go to school though.  Filter or not, loads of children head out to various classrooms for a day of learning and social interactions.  I work with kids but I also used to teach, so I know a little something about this.

I taught kids in kindergarten and first grade.  Many of these children had not developed their filters.  This became very apparent when they would share information during show and tell or in a sharing circle.  Honestly, I think parents would die knowing what some of their kids would share with the entire class.  Show and tell became dodge ball for me.  I would constantly be stopping a story or directing the story down another path.  I learned MORE than I needed to know about their families. 

I learned one little boy’s parents were free to be, or liked being naked, so when their son started undressing on the playground, this made sense; he was only doing what they do at home.   Someone shared that she went to her great-grandma’s house and got to play with her nana’s teeth (that were not in her mouth!).  I learned about jobs that were lost then found, about sisters and boyfriends, moms with diarrhea or dads that pee with the doors open.  Some of these stories I was able to stop, but some were shared so quickly that even the fastest of teachers couldn’t stop the story from entering the circle. 

Here is a note to parents everywhere…if there is something you don’t want your child to share, you must tell them.  Don’t assume they know that mommy is having an issue with flatulence because her stomach is upset while driving to the school.  Rest assured, they will leave that car and tell the first person they can about mom’s farts and leave out the part that she is not feeling well. 

Kids seem grow into their filters, too bad I know some adults that haven't…

The Importance of Being Timely

I was watching American Idol tonight (not really proud admitting that) and they are into their live shows.  No more pre-recording and for the most part no editing.  It happened that one of the judges was late.  Late enough so they had to start the show without her.  What kind dream world does she live in that they will stop filming a live show until she gets there?

The excuse they stated was that she was stuck in traffic but to be honest I don’t care what the actual excuse was.  Why did everyone else make it on time?  Camera crew, contestants, other judges, host, audience and a slew of others.  Didn’t they have to drive though the same town and streets to get to the building?  There are many live shows out there and I haven’t heard of a judge being late or not showing.

Bottom line, when you are late it says something about you.  I think it says you disrespect the others you are meeting.  I think I heard Oprah say that and it really stuck with me.  I understand there are situations that require someone to be late but it should not become a habit. 

I hardly think it is fair for me to be on time and then have to wait many minutes because someone wanted to watch the rest of a program and therefore running late.  I am speaking generically, but I think you get the idea. 

Funny how people that are habitually late, don’t see this!  Why are the blinders on?  YOU are late.  Everyone one else is there.  What is your issue?  Are you royalty and need to arrive late so everyone notices you came in?  If yes, then please wear a tiara and start arriving in a limo. 

Is the starting time just a mild suggestion?  Bringing your kid late to their softball game is now showing your child that it is ok to be late.  Being pissed off at the coach for not letting your kid play in the first inning is crazy.   Your child was not there to hear the important plays the coach had and so the coach has to bench your kid until the next inning.  Wouldn’t it be great if it was like this in life.   You are late for work?  Too bad, you sit out for a bit and don’t get paid.  I guarantee being late would stop eventually.  

At my old job, we had to be at work early to set things up and get ready for simulations.  Most simulations required us to be there by 7:05 am.  I considered myself late at 6:55.  I did everything I could to make it on time.  Some people knew they might be late, so scheduled others to cover for them.  This was the responsible and respectful thing to do.  Not respectful means just not showing up.  Some mornings I would get a call from my desk to run over to the simulator building and get things running because my co-worker failed to show up.

Don’t get me wrong, I was one of the go-to people at work and I really liked helping others but when it becomes a pattern, the actual satisfaction of helping someone begins to diminish and you begin to slowly resent that person.  This is what I am talking about with disrespect. 

So, if you notice that I am late, I may not even have an excuse.  Instead, I just might be disrespecting you…

Daylight Savings Time Blows

Why does it seem like Daylight Savings Time sneaks up on you?   I also think it moves around unnecessarily.  I think it is some type of horrible government trick to mess with your body clock and your routine.

First, my body/mind is used to getting up at a certain time during the week and when I try to mess with that it takes a time to adjust.  So I now I am actually going to lose a couple of weeks of personal efficiency, same in the fall.  Basically speaking, DST gives me a month of mental confusion within the year.  Obviously, I create my own mental confusion but it isn’t forced on me by a mandated clock change.

Second, if DST is so important, why doesn’t everyone participate?  What is so special about Arizona?  Are they smarter than the rest of the country or just lazier?  My point is, if DST was really necessary, everyone would do it.  It’s not like Arizona is on its own latitude and getting so much more daylight already.  Not to mention how Arizona is giving the big screw to the rest of the country for half a year by refusing to conform.  I wonder how it works for television shows there?  Are the live shows on time or an hour off?

Third, let’s talk about the money that is wasted dealing with DST.  Someone has to change all those clocks, and that takes time (ha!), which costs money.  Those huge clocks you see on sides of buildings and in stations need to be changed because the public depends on those clocks.  Think of all the many, many offices and classrooms around the country that have to manually change the clocks.  If they are anything like my old company, the clocks stay the same for a few months giving the workers a slight panic attack they may be late for an important meeting.  Kudos to the companies thinking ahead and getting digital or radio controlled clocks.  Won’t help out during a power outage, but definitely a plus for DST.

Lastly, it is a pain for me.   It took me years to figure out if my clocks move forward or back.  “Spring forward” makes just as much sense as “spring back.”  Someone told me you are looking forward to summer in the spring and you want summer back in the fall.  This was far too wordy for me to commit to memory and I think the summer is too hot and really don’t look forward to it.  I finally came up with an alphabetical solution.  “Fall” comes before “spring” in the dictionary and “back” comes before “fall.”  Therefore, Fall-back, Spring-forward.  Seems easier although a bit nerdier. 

Still a pain is actually changing all the clock items I have in the house.  I can’t stand doing this.  I have been known to just leave the clocks alone as long as I can, which can be a surprisingly long time.  My cell phone automatically updates so I usually rely on that time.  When I do decide to change the clocks, I don’t get super perfectionist about it like my friend, Kerri.  She has to have all the clocks exactly the same.  If she could do it to the exact second I know she would because she comes pretty close.  For example, she changes the clock on the microwave and has her finger on the START button as soon as the minute changes on her phone.  She does this with each clock she has in the house.   It must take as least 60 minutes.   

I do get obsessed with certain things, but getting the exact time is not one of them.   In fact, I refuse to even have the time show on my microwave and my oven time stays whether it is DST or not.  I actually do change the wall clock and my bedroom clock when I get around to it.  I just forward them an hour, if a couple of minutes get added, that is ok.  All my clocks have a different minute times.  It’s like cheap time travel. 

Changing time on electronic device, such as my blue ray player or TV can be easier depending how I actually set up the system in the first place.   Here is my issue, when I set these up I wasn’t sure if I was in DST or not.  At any rate, I always have to change at least one of them. 

DST should happen on a Saturday so you have a couple of days to adjust.  Also helps out everyone going to church so they won’t be late.  Or early, depending on whether they set their clocks to the wrong time the night before…

Your Dad Brought Me a Woody!

"Toy Story" was on last night and I can’t quite watch the show without thinking what a horrible person I am.

In the 90’s, I worked at a day care and had a class of cute, little 4-5 year olds.  This decade was also a time where the movie “Toy Story” was quite popular.  This is very important to keep in mind for later. 

I remember there was this little boy named Andrew and his dad would often be the one to drop his son off and pick him up.  The dad was SO cute.  It sounds bad to comment on a kid’s dad but he was cute, like Jake Ryan cute.

Andrew loved the little cowboy from “Toy Story” and just like a kid with a special blanket, he hated to be without it.  One day, Andrew forgot his cowboy and his dad had to bring it in later.  We were out at recess and his dad brings over the doll and gives it to me.  I yelled out over the playground, “Look, Andrew!  Your dad brought me a Woody!”

I was watching Andrew, but all of a sudden I heard the teacher behind me bust out laughing.  I turned around and saw Andrew’s dad turn really red as he waved at his son and left.  I asked the teacher why she was laughing.  She turned to me and said quietly, “Look, you brought me a woody, not a Woody [pointing to the doll}!” 

She could probably see the precise instant I realized what I had said, probably because I blush at almost anything embarrassing.  I could not believe I said that…I mean, yelled that…out loud…in front of children.  It took me weeks before I could look Andrew’s dad in the eye again.

This is how things go with me.  I say crap and don't realize that it can be interpreted as something completely opposite of how it was intended.  I seriously need to learn to process what I say before it comes out of my mouth…

Forever in Blue Jeans and Humilation

A friend of mine was giving me crap for my crazy music tastes.  I don’t think my tastes are crazy at all.  They are eclectic.  I have just enjoyed all kinds of music.  Growing up I listened to whatever was on in the house.  One day, with my grandparents it could be Ella Fitzgerald and with my parents Billy Joel. 

I wasn’t really a radio kid.  My parents didn’t give me a radio and we usually only played the cassette tapes that made it into the van.  I was the oldest and thus the experiment child.  Exposing children to current music wasn’t on the parental radar.  This became painfully obvious for me when I started seventh grade. 

It was my first year of junior high and we had a large music class.  I absolutely loved going to this class.  We would sing, learn about new instruments and different types of music.  One of our assignments was to bring in a recording of our favorite song.  We could either bring in the album on cassette tape or record the song from the radio.

Remember recording music on your cassette player from the radio?  This was so awfully awesome.  It would make me so mad when the DJ would talk on the front or back part of the song.  Totally ruined it and you’d have to wait until the next time they played the song.  Still cracks me up thinking about it.

Anyway, I went home and thought about what music I could bring in.  It never occurred to me to turn on the radio, I went straight to the cassette tapes.  My parents had some great songs from the 70’s but this was the 80’s and I was clueless.  I put in a few tapes and listened to the songs.  I’m pretty sure my parents were happy I didn’t choose Rod Stewart’s “If You Think I’m Sexy.”  Going though Billy Joel, Rod Stewart and Neil Diamond I finally decided on Neil.  The song?  “Forever in Blue Jeans.”  Still, to this day, a fun song and I don’t want to hear otherwise.   

I loved my choice and was proud of it.  I carefully stopped the tape right before the song started and marked the side that should face out of the player.  When we got to class, the teacher asked us one by one to play the song we brought and point out a portion of the song we liked the most.  The teacher would explain what instruments were being used and if the voices were harmonizing, etc. 

As soon as three kids had played their songs from the radio, I started sweating it out.  I didn’t really recognize these songs and my best friend had recorded hers off the radio too.  There was one kid that brought in some classical piece and the rest of the class kind-of snickered and made fun of him.  I sympathized with him, he was probably an experiment child like me and his parents didn’t know.

When it was my turn, I walked up and gave my tape to the teacher told him the singer and song.  The song started and I explained that I liked the chorus of the song. The song was not about really liking blue jeans as I originally thought.  Apparently, I did not have a firm grasp on what “chorus” meant either.  The chorus of Neil’s song was:

Maybe tonight
Maybe tonight, by the fire
All alone you and I
Nothing around
But the sound of my heart
And your sighs 

I thank my teacher for seeing the horrified look on my face and popping the tape out immediately.  I turned bright red and went back to my chair.  My best friend just laughed it off and said the song still had a fun beat.  Um, ok.

I doubt that anyone really remembered my incident after “Super Freak” was played.   It was this experience that made me into the huge music lover I am today.  I listen to the radio almost daily and have a huge music collection, including a few ditties by Mr. Diamond…

Sleeping With Bob Harper

So I am no stranger to trying to lose weight.  I have tried many diets; some worked for a while and some just did not work at all.  People tell me I have strong will power, which is pretty ironic considering I am a bit fluffy (“fluffy” sounds so much better than “blubbery”).  I don’t think I have strong will power.  I just keep crap out of my reach or out of the house.  Issues arise when I leave the house.

For me, I have an issue with being able to stop once I have started.  I am absolutely amazed at anyone that can buy a 2-pack of peanut butter cups, eat one and put the other one away for later.  WTF is that?  THAT, people, is will power.   If I bought that same pack, both peanut butter cups would be eaten right away.  They are like partners, I feel like I am fulfilling their destiny to be together.  How lonely that other cup must feel in the cabinet of skinny person.  It’s sad when you think about it too long.

At any rate, I am impressed with those that go out on a limb and are successful with weight loss.  I LOVE watching “The Biggest Loser.”  Love it.  I may not have as much to lose, but the contestants on that show motivate me not only to lose weight, but also to be a better person.  Sure, sometimes I watch the show while eating a snack but the point is, I am watching and getting inspired. 

This brings me to the dream I had last night.  I was a contestant on the show, but the show was more of a “Biggest Loser”/”Amazing Race” mash-up.  Which, by the way, would be AWESOME.  Anyway, we were in a Tuscan villa, I’m assuming in Italy.  We were getting ready for this crazy challenge where we had to jump in a pool from diving board 300 feet up in the air.  Once we jumped in, we had to swim to the deep end where there was a ladder with only two rungs and we had to haul ourselves out of the water using this sad excuse for a ladder. 

I never really thought about having a fear of heights before.  I went parasailing a few years ago and was scared to death, but I think that was more because I wasn’t sure we got a reputable company.  This came to my mind when was I getting ready to jump off the board, I felt anxious but still jumped.  It’s amazing how you can do anything in a dream.

I hit the water and started swimming to the makeshift ladder.  There was a line; even in a dream I can't be the first one in a contest.  Pulling your body out of the water with this ladder looked to be an extremely difficult task.  Everyone was having some issues.  I got to the ladder and saw that Bob Harper was telling people how to attack the ladder to get out.  After a couple of tries I manage to get out, though not quite as graceful as I probably wanted.  I felt pretty good about myself.  Bob congratulates me but was still mad at me for not taking things seriously.  I ignored him and headed up to the villa. 

There was an outside, open shower to wash off the chlorine from the pool and most of the contestants were trying there and trying to decide what to have for dinner.  I walked over and looked at the menu.  It looked awesome, but at the same time I knew this was a challenge because it was all crap.  Greasy, fried, and sugary goodness plus intestines and brains.  I decided to pass on dinner because I had a protein bar in my room.  I went to wash the chlorine off and looked up and Bob was standing there all pissed off. 

“You have to make a decision,” he said and handed me the menu.  I argued with him that there weren’t any good choices and I came prepared with my healthier option and walked away.  He followed and continued to hound me about making a choice.  I didn’t understand what was going on because I felt I should have at least gotten brownie points for bringing a healthy item.  I was getting upset.  Then Bob looked at me with great intensity and half yelled at me, “YOU NEED TO FIGURE OUT WHAT IS HOLDING YOU BACK.”  Then I woke up.

WTF.  No answer??  Of course there is something holding me back!  What is it?  Isn’t that how dreams go?  One minute you are being chased by an alligator with a flower and the next minute you wake up and wonder, “What the hell was that about?”  This fluffy dream felt real too, like I really could use a vacation to a villa in Italy.  Preferably a villa with a pool and room service…

All About the Blog

There is an awesome song out there called "Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk" by Rufus Wainwright.  I think cigarettes look cool with the right person but the smoking part actually grosses me out.  The lyrics to this song have always spoken to me but I also really love the title. 

I thought awhile about what I would love to have everyday and of course it came down to food and drink.   My sister-in-law is super cool and introduced me to a Painkiller.  Not a drug, but a drink.  Although one could argue a drink is a drug…at any rate, this is an awesome coconut concoction that could quickly go straight to your head.

The other item I would be hard pressed to live without is peanut butter, in basically any form.  I have tons of recipes I like to use with pb as one of the main ingredients.  You can’t go wrong.   It’s always a treat around the holidays when I can get the big peanut butter egg or tree.   Unfortunately, my physique doesn’t quite appreciate my peanut butter cup snacks and I have to use quite a bit of restraint to pass the candy isle…

This is a blog about nothing in particular.  It’s just my opinion about what is going on in my life and how life humiliates or interacts with me.  This blog is not meant to offend, but it almost certainly will at some point.  I tend to be snarky depending on the situation, but I can also be compassionate if it is something I really care about, like keeping peanut butter eggs available year round...